With persistent hard core programming, obscurantism, and vested institutional interests, the prevalent thinking is that the state of celibacy and virginity is higher than that of marriage. What needs to be kept in mind is that celibacy is a discipline that can change. Persons who have committed themselves to celibacy by their own free will or certain mandates may choose to change their status and get married with proper discernment and guidance. Holiness consists in free and conscious decision that everyone makes on an on-going basis. Holiness cannot exist without full mental and emotional freedom. The relationship between husband and wife is closest to the best model of the relationship between the Church as the Bride of Christ and Christ himself for Christians. In this connection it is important to note that the Bible translation officially approved by the Catholic church in Kerala (India) and commonly used in homes and churches is not even able to use the word wife and uses instead sisterly woman (sahodariyaya sthree – 1 Corinthians Chapter 9: 5). In the Hindu setting, Sri Rama and Sri Krishna, the most popular avatars (incarnations) of God were married. Sri Krishna is reported to have 16008 wives. Besides all the important Gods, and the Trimurtis (Triune Gods) - Brahma, Vishnu, Maheshwar - and the prominent maharshis (sages) were married. In Judaism there is no history of celibacy. In Islam lifelong celibacy is forbidden. The strong contention here is that celibacy in itself (per se) does not add anything more to holiness than marriage, and that celibacy and marriage are states wherein doing only God’s will in one’s proper and sincere discernment is what matters as far as holiness is concerned. All are called to holiness. It is of paramount importance that a husband and wife start paramarthashram preparing for sanyasa (stage of renunciation) together in siddhashram (stagte of realization).

             4. Siddhashram (Stage of Realization): This is the final setting which is geared for the attainment (siddhi) of perfection - the ultimate goal. This is the final stage of traditional sanyasashram. In this stage of life one is solely concerned about spiritual life. Everything that promotes spiritual life is embraced. Everything that detracts from spiritual life is abandoned. In this ashram only spiritual pursuits are followed. Materialistic pursuits are engaged only in view of the spirit-life. It is important that one takes good care one’s body as long as one lives. One is detached from material things. One strives only for spiritual treasure as one’s heart is where one’s treasure is. One devotes oneself fully to the kingdom of God where truth, justice, equality, unity, and reconciliation reign supreme. One comes to this ashram after going through prior ashrams successfully. One has known life in all its dimensions, tried to change things that could be changed, and accept things that could not be changed. There is peace and serenity. There are no regrets. There is no unfinished business. One has learnt from one’s mistakes. Everything has been for the good, and continues to be for the good. There is a deep sense of surrender. One’s life history has been and continues to be one’s own history of salvation. This is the final stage in the eight stages of life described by Erick Erickson where one experiences and enjoys integrity and wisdom. In this stage one operates at the highest possible level of Post-Conventional moral development that may be understood in terms of Lawrence Kohlberg’s Universal Ethical Principles guided by a fully Formed Conscience (stage 6) or Transcendental Morality or Morality of Cosmic Orientation (stage 7). In this ashram one lives in Universalizing Faith described by J. Fowler, spending one’s life in love grounded in the unity of humanity.

The final stage

             Siddhashram (Setting for Realization) Continued: A question that naturally rises in the mind is: What is realization or self-realization? Self-realization in general is attaining the ultimate end or the final goal. In Hinduism it is moksha (liberation from the chain of births and rebirths) or kaivalya (pure consciousness). It is ultimately atmajnana: the true knowledge that one’s atman (soul) is identical with Brahman (the Supreme Reality). In Christianity it is heaven or eternal life with God in beatific vision, that is viewing the very essence of God with perfect joy in endless happiness. In Islam it is paradise (firdaus) that is the ultimate pleasurable place after death. In Buddhism it is nirvana or full enlightenment. For our purpose it is understood as becoming all that one is capable of. It is living fully and actualizing one’s God-given or nature-placed potentials through conscious decisions made in complete freedom and in accordance with one’s conscience.

             All the previous ashrams or stages are geared to the final stage of Siddhashram. Sathyashram – the initial training stage characterized by a search for truth – prepares the person for righteous living in this world, a gainful occupation, meeting obligations to family and community. In Sevashram –a stage guided by service to family and society - one puts into practice one has learned in Sathyashram even as further training and learning go on. Around 60 years of age one starts Paramarthashram – the penultimate stage where the focus is entirely on the final end – wherein one takes stock of everything and evaluates all that has happened in one’s life, retires from the life of the world, and de-programs self keeping only what is necessary to live in an ideal democratic society. Everything that happened in one’s life has a message or reason whether one knows it or not. After a formal training period of twenty-two to twenty-five years in Sathyashram and informal and formal training in Sevashram one becomes a master of one’s own destiny. Sevashram especially is a living university where lived experience and experimentation prepare one for the final assault to the peak if a metaphor of a mountain-climbing expedition to the top of Everest is used. In Paramathashram lasting about five years one solidifies the gains from Sevashram and supplies all that is necessary for the final end - Siddhashram. In Siddhashram beginning around 65 years of age one’s authority of life is oneself. Steeped in truth, justice, fairness, unity of humanity, altruism, compassion, and love for all, one is even incapable of hating or harming anyone. That kind of person exudes goodness and love, and goes beyond all differences and distinctions. One is beyond all doctrines and dogmas. One does not look up to anyone for guidance. At this stage no one except the Almighty God or the Supreme Source of Energy is capable of guiding anyone. Here one is one’s own guide. Each one is on his/her own. Nobody has any special answers to questions related to after-life or the final end of humans. Yet one in all humility learns from everyone till the very end. Here all are in unchartered waters. All are wayfarers. Persons who believe get engaged in their belief systems and immerse themselves toward the end of their life more deeply in rites and rituals more frequently than ever. Persons who do not believe also express themselves fully by actualizing their potentials. It is also important to note that St. Thomas Aquinas who is considered to be the greatest philosopher, theologian, and doctor of the Catholic Church stopped writing after some kind of supernatural experience of God. When the one who used to receive his dictation urged him to express his thoughts he said: “I cannot, because all that I have written seems like straw to me”. Shankaracharya, probably the greatest Indian philosopher, theologian, and spiritual leader, is reported to have stated before he died that the greatest mistake in his life was to attempt to define the undefinable. He further stated in his Nirvana Shatakam - the essence of all Upanishads and indeed Atma Jnana (self-knowledge) - that the aham or I or atman (soul) in all of us is beyond anything describable, conceivable, or imaginable, and that “I am eternal knowing and bliss, love and pure consciousness”. In Siddhashram one, whether he/she is a believer, doubter, non-knower, or unbeliever, is truly and fully dependent on one’s own inner resources, and is in one final and total offering or surrendering of self to the Supreme Being or the all-encompassing Cosmic Energy.